Mental Health - something which cannot be seen, but needs to be heard.

Yesterday I posted the quote: You smile, but you want to cry. You talk, but you want to be quiet. You pretend like you're happy, but you aren't.

This week is mental health awareness week and this week it has become ever more apparent to me just how important it is to look after ourselves mentally as well as physically. This week has been a darker week for me. On Monday, by 9am I wanted to curl up and cry. My morning had been difficult, tiresome, exceptionally busy and I had been pulled in so many different directions I had had enough. However my inner strength saw me through the day. BUT (and it's a big but), I felt absolutely dreadful all day and evening and no matter what my children or husband tried they could not shake off this horrendous mood. Now I know we all have bad days, but the difference is I have a history of mental illness and part of my mental illness is that I can have cyclical episodes which I cannot control.

Mental health is not seen like physical illnesses and it can be difficult to realise it within ourselves let alone other people recognising it. When you become mentally ill it can take months if not years to become well again. For some, it is more about managing the illness because becoming cured isn't possible. For others like me, their illness may be cyclical - reoccurring unexpectedly. I have been struggling with my mental health for over a decade now and it has taken me up until two years ago to accept that I will have highs and lows and to ensure I am mentally well I need to be open, honest and communicative.

I have been at the darkest places and have been supported by different people at different times. Many people may feel intimidated or afraid or weak when directed to seek professional help. I am not ashamed to say I have had various forms of professional help over the last fifteen years. Some I have found beneficial, some I haven't. One thing I have learnt is that you need to be honest with yourself. To get the help needed and the correct support honesty with yourself is the most important part of getting well. Part of keeping myself mentally healthy is to open up to my support network. It is this communication that allows me to express my thoughts and feelings - good or bad and by saying it out loud to someone, it allows me to re-evaluate how I am feeling, explore the causes and begin to move forward by assessing where I am, what I need to do and how I can prevent it in the future (hopefully).

Regardless of who you are, mental health is important to us all and it is becoming ever more apparent that tackling issues early is the key to preventing future episodes. Young people's mental health is becoming more stressed, anxious and depressed. I do not want this for my two boys and I will strive to ensure that they have a positive mental health as well as a physical one. I am constantly working on my own mental state and it is something I will continue to do so.

So, just because people look happy, content and secure, it doesn't mean they actually are. I frequently mask myself with a smile and the quote 'I`m fine' to hide my true inner feelings. I am ever so fortunate to have someone I can open up to,confide in and express my truest feelings to. This helps to alleviate the pressure on myself and provides a support mechanism to me. For this I am eternally grateful.

I hope me sharing part of myself provides an insight into how it can affect anyone and just because I have been mentally unwell doesnt mean it defines me. Equally, I havent ran or hidden from it either. It is a part of me and its something Ive accepted. Granted it has taken me over 10 years to do so, but I am happier and healthier for it.

Happy Mental Health Awareness week