It's OK to cry.

Last week I cried.

Last week I cried at work in front of my boss.

It's OK to cry. Lets be honest, we all need a good cry every now and again. But what I did not expect was that being asked 'are you ok?' would evoke such a reaction - especially in front of someone who is my boss.

The last few weeks have been a roller coaster ride. A mixture of emotions experienced on a daily basis, generally nothing to do with my decisions or actions. Being stuck in a leg splint doesn't help, as a lack of mobility and no physical activity (oh how I miss netball) prevents the 'release' I experience when playing sport.

At one end of the scale, I am so happy and content with my family. We have so much fun and enjoyment and watching my two boys grow and flourish brings daily joy. At the other end of the scale, I feel completely useless, constantly working and forever trying to 'fix things'. My default mechanism is to say 'I`m fine'. Something I ingrained in myself from a young age. If I say 'I`m fine' they it's got to become true - right? Wrong. What it does is mask true feelings and keeps people at arms length. People who you should confide in can be fooled by it and cannot offer the help you need.

However, my confidant is my wonderful husband. Someone I can complain to, moan to, ask for support and seek his view on things. Over the last few weeks he has been my rock. Every step of the way he has been there and through this support, I found my own strength. My own ability to say 'this is not right', to question what future I want and ultimately what will make me happy and my family.

I have been really quiet over the last couple of months due to trying to assess my current position and work out a new direction for my future. The issues and problems over the last few weeks needed to happen. Without them, I would be continuing down a path that ultimately didn't make me happy.

Whilst I have been gradually calculating things and placing the pieces of the jigsaw together, the final piece didn't 'click' till last Friday.

The realisation suddenly hit.

Those 3 words were my trigger. Suddenly my body gave in, I was not OK and my emotions were not hidden anymore.

I needed that realise of emotions. I needed my body to highlight that I am not OK and that whilst I can try to be as strong as I can be, sometimes you just can't be strong enough. And that's ok. Because we need to listen to our bodies.

This awoke a fighting spirit in me that I had not felt before. Where suddenly any rose tinted glasses were removed and I saw my life, what I wanted and what I did not want so clearly. I am now beginning my journey on my new path and I will see where it will take me.

But for now, remember it's OK to cry - sometimes we just need it.