The Roller Coaster of Life

No one ever said life would be easy. For me, my life is a constant roller-coaster, although it is fair to say that over the last couple of years my roller-coaster seems to have slowed down between it's transitions.

Up until the last couple of years I have struggled to cope with my emotions day to day. I seemed to end up at polar extremes, either extremely happy or depressed. I couldn't control my moods or reactions and I always saw the negative side to life.

One thing I`ve learnt over this time is to look at the triggers which cause my mixture of emotions as well as to try and not take things to heart. Some may say I needed a back bone and stand on my own two feet. For so long I have taken what people have said to me to heart - and for what? Self Loathing? Low self- esteem? Little belief in myself? Why do we do it? Why do we allow people to belittle ourselves and not be who we really are.

It took over 6 months to truly find 'myself'. There was a lot of reflection on the past, who I was, who I am and who I want to be. A lot of talking about how I react to peoples comments, opinions and views and how I would like to react. I eventually got to the realisation point. Where the tip of the iceberg had been well and truly knocked off, divulged in and broken to the tiniest elements possible. I then began to rebuild myself to who I wanted to be - being true to myself. Being able to identify the emotions I was feeling and instead of them escalating - look at the situation and think rationally. Is it that major? Have I experienced this before? If so, how did I deal with it then? How do I want to deal with it now?

One thing that really helped me was having my husband to speak to. When I feel happy - I tell him, when I feel proud - I tell him, when I feel angry - I tell him, when I feel like sh** - I tell him, and the list goes on. This open dialogue has allowed me to rationalise and internalise my emotions and the situations and get what's in my head, out.

I am now at the point where I take what people say with a pinch of salt. I know my own self worth. I know what I like and what I dislike. I know who I want to spend my time. AND I`m not afraid of it anymore. To the point where over the past couple of months I am aware that negative comments have been made about me. But, do you know what? I don't care. If you'd have asked me 5 years ago how I felt about someone saying something about me, I probably would have broken down. Now, I believe in myself and I know who I am and what I am like. I can identify the fake people and I can pick out people who are the 'suckers' of life - draining life and promoting negativity and I DO NOT associate with them. In a way, I feel sorry for them. If they have to spend so much time focusing on others, what time do they spend on themselves?

II am in a much happier, calmer place and I am me.

Know your self worth and love yourself!